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October 21, 2010

Negotiating Tip: Disarming Your Opponent

Hello Good Negotiators

When the hard bargaining begins both parties tend to ramp up their defenses. Such actions make it doubly difficult for one party to gain the advantage.

What can you do to change these dynamics and,to some degree, disarm you opponent?


Negotiating Tip: Disarming Your Opponent ============================================================

Who hasn't heard the saying, "Flattery will get you everywhere"?

It's likely your negotiating opponent is NOT expecting flattery when the negotiating gets intense. Conveying a compliment or some flattering statement is so unexpected that it has proven to be effective, even disarming.

Now to be sure, we're not suggesting you compliment their attire or hair style. Instead the compliment has to deal with the bargaining process underway. It is even more effective when it includes a 'hint of surrender' (humility).

Think about it, a 'surrender style compliment'just has to influence someone and cause them to soften their tactics and temper their combative nature.

So what can be said to make this all possible?

Consider these suggestions.

"Wow, you're a great negotiator. I can see that I'm overmatched here."

"Hey, go easy on me. This type of bargaining is all new to me.

You're the obvious expert here."

"Forgive me for appearing defensive. You need to know that you really intimidate me. I'm sure that isn't your intent, but it is how I feel. You just have more skill, more knowledge and more experience in bargaining situations like this."

"Can we strike a different tone for a moment? Please know that all I want is a deal that would be a win for us both. You obviously have more experience in such matters. How can we make this a good deal for each of us?"

Many people feel that admitting a vulnerability is an unnecessary show of weakness. On the contrary, admitting a vulnerability is a sign of strength, it builds trust and changes the dynamics. Best of all it tends to disarm our negotiation opponent.

The objective is to get a good deal. It is not to win the battle of words and posture.

Good negotiators have that special knack of disarming their opponent by adopting a humble position in order to achieve that win-win result.


KEEP Negotiating.

Licensed Pennsylvania real estate broker for over 35 years, John Hamilton is an author, national speaker and educator who specializes in the art of negotiation. His most popular workshop is, “Negotiating: What’s Mine Is Mine, What’s Yours Is Negotiable” John was the 2002 President of the International Real Estate Educators Association and conducts over 125 seminars annually to business, banking, auctioneer, manufacturer representatives and real estate Boards/Associations. John's book KEEP Negotiating has become a desktop favorite for active real estate agents everywhere For past 15 years he has presented training program nationwide on sales, negotiating and motivational topics. Visit for a free report entitled the Top 12 Mistakes Negotiators Make. 

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