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2009-07-30 16:05:49

Classifieds Raise Questions, Issues And Eyebrows

 

Most rural communities have weeklies devoted to classified ads. You can learn a lot from what’s wanted and what’s not. Here are some favorites:
 
Antiques
 
Many vintage items and genuine antiques of mine. Also husband’s junk.
Antique table. Legs are good, considering.
1940’s baby stroller. Rattles too.
Ring. 1/3rd ct diamond. Worn once.
Antique peddle sowing machine.
Oak church pew. Wonderful rubbed patina. Hard. Keeps you focused.
Genuine antique sofa. Like new. 3 cushions, one missing.
 
General
 
For Sale: Seller is firm.Serious inquiries only.
Yard sale: Nothing second hand. Everything like new, or better.
Yard sale: Good stuff. No real junk.
Seat. Booster for child in excellent condition.
Sheets. Queen. Clean. Divorce. No tears or tears.
China. Setting for 8. No saucers, but extra cups.
Christmas tree. 7’ Artificial. Looks real. Platinum. No droops.
Misc. items. Odds & ends. Too much to list. And much, much more.
Yard Sale. Clothes. Books. 9 a.m. Early birds will be shooed off.
 
Livestock
 
Bunnies. $15 and up. No meanies in the bunch.
Big Angus bull. Consistent. No blanks. Likes girls. Sometimes rowdy. Also hospital bed.
Labrador pup. Yellow male. Wormed and shot. Pure bred. Looks like Golden Retriever. Rhode Island Reds. Bantams. Hard-to-find breeds and erotic barnyard fowl.
Horse. 15 Hands. Old. Stands. Eats. Great for beginner.
Talking bird. Ask for Wanda.
 
Clothing
 
Hat: Stetson Rancher. Bullet gray. 7 ¼. Small hole in front, but no stain.
Wedding dress. Only worn once, I promise, I do.
Size 6. Beads and long trail. White welding dress. 
 
Vehicles
 
Chevy pickup. 70s. Daily driver, before wreck. You haul.
ATV. 500 cc. 4wd with all the extras. Never get stuck with 2,500-pound wench on front end.
 
Furniture
 
LAY-Z BOY recliner. Like new. Used by small wife who isn’t lazy.
Recliner. Great for sleeping in front of tv. Squeaks never bothered me.
Sofa. Serious only. Asking $100. Will take $55, or less.
Sofa. $50. Price firm, sofa not.
College student desk. Maple. 3 drawers. Rarely used.
Black leather armed chair.
 
Tools
 
Two table saws. Router. Planer. Shopsmith with attachments. One heavy-duty electric chair—three positions.
275 gallon fuel-oil tank. ½ full. Good for smoker; ideal for barbeque on wheels.
Tools. Hand and power. Lingerie.
Bushhog. Category 1, 3-point itch. Other tractor implements. Same type itch.
Hand tools. Clamps and old vices. Odd ones too.
 
Land and Housing
 
4 rm House. Needs a lot of TLC. On 2 achers.
Nice house. Must sell. Motivated garage, detached seller.
Fabulous. Almost new manufactured home. 3 BR. Has all the extras. Windows.
3BR. Whirlpool tub in master bath. Water and sewer are separate.
Farm for rent. House and 75 acres. Barn and pasture. No pets allowed, including fish, snakes and spiders.
4BR ranch. Owner must move. Has gas.
Old farm home. Very traditional. Big kitchen, needs appliances and counters. Does have electric and indoor.
2BR. Quiet washer/dryer. Water included.
 
Personal Services
 
Wanted: Small farmer wants to grow. Needs genetically modified seed and bigger equipment.
Need tudor for my 8 year old son; mother needs some too.
 
 
Curtis Seltzer is a land consultant who works with buyers and helps sellers develop marketing plans. He has been investing in land for 40 years. He is author of How To Be a DIRT-SMART Buyer of Country Property available at www.curtis-seltzer.com where his weekly columns are posted. He also writes weekly for www.landthink.com.
 

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