How NOT to take down a popcorn ceiling….
It's amazing of all the How-to shows and books out there to help you make improvements to your home, or your life, that they tell you HOW to do something…and by default, whether I "pay attention or not" when they write or speak, I always learn how NOT to do something a few times before I learn how to do it write right.
Recently I was taking down a popcorn ceiling (whoever thought these were a good/cool idea should be shot), AGAIN, and started thinking of this learning process…that has taken me years to perfect…
The first time was unintentional. I bought a house, and painted all the walls-they hadn't been painted in at least 4 years (the house had been empty at least that long). Problem was, when the walls were painted they looked nice (5 coats later) and the ceilings looked crappy. No problem! I'll paint it! My friend Leah and I proceeded to paint the bedroom ceiling and moved on to the next bedroom. Before we were done with the 2nd bedroom, the ENTIRE popcorn ceiling in the first bedroom hit the floor in large wet clumps. Crap. Now every time someone mentions painting a ceiling I cringe and shudder as I wipe away a knowing tear and say "are you SURE you want to do that?"
The second time wasn't me and I couldn't stick around to watch. A guy I know wanted to take down the popcorn ceilings in his house…I turned and left when I saw him walk in to his house with a hose to wet the popcorn ceiling "so it would come down faster". Shoot, why not just take the roof off all together and let the rain clean out the house? That'll do it!
The next time WAS intentional. In a little half bathroom-the ladder only fit in the bathroom with the door closed. I'm not sure how they got the toilet in to this room to begin with. I thought I was being smart-I put down painters plastic to catch everything and clean it up "slicker than snot" as my dad used to say to me. Except I forgot to clean the ladder off before I took it out of the bathroom. Who knew that those ladder rungs could hold so much! So much for cleaning up slicker than snot…
SO, should I try again? Well, I'm either brave or stupid. I did try again. This time in a larger bathroom. My master bathroom. It took me 6 weeks to remodel the half bath the way I wanted. This time I intend to finish a master bathroom 3 times the size in a 4-day extended weekend because I'm like Archie Bunker and have to have MY toilet to feel really comfortable. Ok, so I'm stupid. By the time I'm done I will have taken down the popcorn ceiling, pulled up the linoleum flooring that's been trying to escape for years, textured and painted the walls AND ceiling, and tiled the floor (including the linen closet). This ought to be an interesting weekend. Believe it or not, this stuff is actually relaxing to me.
SO, taking down the popcorn ceiling;
DO NOT use a spray bottle filled with warm water and spray a section at a time. Instead, use a hose from the outside spigot. This will ensure your ceiling and walls are soaked and take weeks to dry out. This is especially good for the humid climates as it will take longer to dry, and you will get that GREAT mold look and smell.
DO NOT use painter's plastic, or anything that will facilitate easy clean-up. Instead, leave everything in the bathroom (or room where you are taking the popcorn down). Whatever is in the shower will slide down the drain when you take your shower, and you can rinse off the soap. The towel racks will come clean when you put the next towels on them. When you have to call the plumber to unclog your sewage, he'll thank you for keeping him employed.
DO NOT close the bathroom door while in the process of downing the ceiling. Instead, keep the door open so that your helpful family members and pets can come in and watch. Then they can walk out with long sheets of popcorn that have fallen on their body and jump all over the furniture, grinding it in to the couch and making sure to spread the popcorn through-out the house. It's such a joy to continually clean the house.
DO NOT use a ladder. Instead, if you are tall enough, just look up and reach up as you are taking the ceiling down. If not quite tall enough, use a stool that is just tall enough so that you can just look up while doing the job. This way you can enjoy the next 2 days laying in bed with the stiff neck, on muscle relaxers saying once again "I'm too old for this ssssshttuff."
DO NOT use a putty knife to slice the popcorn off easily once soaked with the warm water. Instead, use your bare hands to pull the wet popcorn off and make "popcorn balls" you can throw at (or for) the dog. Then when your hands are dried out from the plaster, and bloody from the popcorn, you can add that splash of red. And a little blue food coloring and you'll be ready for the 4th of July!
DO NOT wear a face mask. Instead, as you're looking directly above you while the ceilling is coming down, take a DEEP breath so you can breath in the FRESH (stale) smell of the popcorn-or better yet, leave your mouth open and let it fall in so you can chew on it like tobacco on the baseball field. It tastes just as good!
DO NOT wear safety glasses. Instead, once again, as you're looking directly above you while making sure you're getting every last piece, let those little popcorn bits fall in to your eyes. It feels SO great when you get something in your eyes!
DO NOT wear old clothes to do this job. Instead wear your Sunday best, because regardless of how careful you are, you will be white when you're finished. This way you'll be ready and have that "angelic look" that grandma always thought you had.
SO…wanna see how the next segment goes? How NOT to texture a ceiling? This ought to be an interesting weekend…
Until next time….
Valerie Sullivan
Broker/Owner, GRI, e-Pro
Sullivan Enterprises, LLC
www.SullivanHomes4U.com
Valerie@ValerieSullivan.net | 
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