Real Estate Lament

By: Donald M. Weill

Excerpted from "The Reluctant Investor and Other Light Verse"

I hesitate to make a list

Of all the countless deals I've missed;

Bonanzas that were in my grip -

I watched them through my fingers slip;

The windfalls which I should have bought

were lost because I over-thought;

I thought of this, I thought of that,

I could have sworn I smelled a rat,

And while I thought things over twice,

Another grabbed them at the price,

It seemed I always hesitate,

Then make my mind up much too late,

A very cautious man am I

And that is why I never buy.

When tracts rose high on Sixth and Third,

The prices asked I felt absurd;

Whole block-fronts bleak and black with soot-

Were priced at thirty bucks a foot!

I wouldn't even make a bid,

But others did -- yes, others did!

When Tucson was cheap desert land,

I could have had a hip of sand;

When Phoenix was the place to buy,

I thought the climate much too dry!

"Invest in Dallas-That's the spot!"

My sixth sense warned me I should not,

A very prudent man am I

And that is why I never buy.

A corner here, then acres there,

Compounding values year by year,

I chose to think and as I thought,

They bought the deals I should have bought.

The Golden chances I had then

Are lost and will not come again,

Today I can not be enticed

For everything's so overpriced.

The deals of yesteryear are dead;

The market's soft -- so's my head!

Last night I had a fearful dream,

I know I wakened with a scream;

Some Indians approached my bed --

For trinkets on the barrelhead,

(In dollar bills worth twenty-four,

And nothing less and nothing more),

They'd sell Manhattan Isle to me,

The most I'd go was twenty-three.

The redman scowled: "Not on a bet!"

And sold to Peter Minuit.

At times a teardrop drowns my eye

For deals I had, but did not buy;

And now life's saddest words I pen

"If only I'd invested then!"