Paradigms power perceptions and perceptions power emotions." 

Quote from Sarayu to Mackenzie in the book, "The Shack."

What's the color of anger when you're color blind and can't see red?  When it comes to emotional heat, each of us experiences the full spectrum of color in a myriad of different ways. 

Emotions arise out of our pre-disposed patterns of thinking and perceiving an event, person or situation.  Often these perceptions are so deeply held that we are startled by the response they generate when they emerge in living color.

A few weeks ago, there was a knock on my door.  When I opened the door, two young men stared at me...then burst out laughing.  I stared at them quizzically, although I had a fair estimate of why they were giggling uncontrollably.  Finally, one of them was able to collect himself and extend his hand.  He said, "Excuse me m'am, we didn't expect..." 

I understood what he was trying to blurt out between giggles.  He, a young African American man, knocking on doors in my neighborhood had not expected to see a face that looked like his own answering the door bell. The emotional rush created by his paradigm about 'who should live where' literally overwhelmed him when his perceptions of the reality facing him proved to be false!

Paradigms and perceptions are not regular topics of discussion in most real estate circles, but in many ways, they are a huge dynamic within our engagement in the profession of buying and selling property.  They impact how we handle transactions, respond to stress and treat other people.

I'll never forget a story I heard during a class on Fair Housing about a farmer who walked into a real estate office, with his farm clothes on, and requested the assistance of a real estate professional. Because he was in dirty clothes, most of the agents in the office didn't want to help him.  Well, the one who did ended up making a hefty commission. The farmer with the dirty clothes turned out to be a wealthy business man who bought a pretty good sized piece of property! 

Well, what is a paradigm exactly?  According to Wikepedia, a 'paradigm is a philosophic or theoretical framework of any kind.'  We all operate within paradigms.  These are the under-girders which support how we look at the world and frame our judgments.  Paradigms support our worldviews and provide the context in which we make our decisions.  They help us to discern what we think 'belongs' in any given space.

But, hidden within the familiar confines of a paradigm is an incipient danger.  It is the danger of misperception. You see, paradigms are simply philosophies and theories...they're not necessarily true or correct.  Yet, they can control how we think and are pre-disposed to respond even when the facts don't necessarily add up. 

Paradigms are costly because they influence who we are and how we react in ways that may not be obvious to the uninformed observer.  They also serve as the base foundation for just about every negative 'ism' you can think of...racism, sexism, communism etc. 

Our emotional responses can reveal a goldmine of information if we're willing to be honest.  When we respond to someone or something, it's helpful to take a moment to reflect on what perception colored the exchange and what the underlying paradigm which supports a potential misperception might be.  The power to change lies within unleashing the hidden charges which underlie negative paradigms so our perceptions become aids to our progress rather than hindering it. 

 Copyright 2008  Audu Real Estate  All Rights Reserved

Picture courtesy of brani's photostream on flickr

Worrying, Wanting & Waiting...Overcoming Emotional Hurdles During A Home Sale.

From time to time, I work with clients who are having a really difficult time leaving a home.  Sometimes, it is a home that they have lived in for decades which holds a lot of precious memories.  At other times, circumstances have changed; perhaps a job transfer which necessitate a move.  It is a really difficult thing to be dealing with the normal stress of showings and a move and also wrestle with the fact that deep down inside...you're not really ready to leave...just yet.

Over the years as I've counselled with my clients, I've realised that there are a number of reasons why people struggle to let go of a dwelling...even when they know they must.  One of the biggest issues is fear of the future and the unknown.  Other times, it is the feeling that by leaving, they will be separated from special moments that were a part of this special space they call "home".

Here are a few simple suggestions that many of my clients have found very helpful. 

Practical Solitude

Set aside some time to alone & quiet within your home...quiet your heart, be still.  Turn off the TV, listen, hear and re-live special moments.  Look, really look at your home the way you would look into the face of a dear friend.  Relish the moments that have been shared, the laughter, the tears, the good times, the bad...Listen to hear things that may still need to be resolved.  In the stillness you will hear this as well.  Take note

Thanksgiving

Express gratitude outloud.  Yes, these walls have heard a lot of things during your time within them. Why not your thanksgiving?  Thank out loud for the goodness & provision and shelter that your home has provided you.  Thank out loud for the many friends and family members who have found solace, refuge and friendship within it's walls.  Thank out loud for the difficult lessons learned and the trials you survived.  Thank out loud that you and this home exist...many homes and people no longer do. Thank outloud that your home will soon be transferred to new owners who will be the beneficiaries of the shelter your home has faithfully provided.

Release the Blessing of Peace

A final step is to release the blessing of peace.  I suggest that you go through each room, thanking silently or audibly and then releasing God's peace into the space in preparation for the new owners.  This can be a wonderful time to envision the blessings that you desire for the welfare of those who will purchase your home.  Different blessings can be released for different areas.  For instance in the kitchen, you can release wholesome goodness in the food that is prepared & bless this center of life to be a place in which the family or individual experiences the joy of friendship and satisfaction. Remember we all reap what we sow.  What you are doing for others will eventually be returned in some fashion back to you.

Many have found these few simple steps to be very helpful as they prepare to move.  Even if it is not a difficult move emotionally, this process can be extraordinarily enriching.