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Regarding Those New Year Diet Resolutions
Posted at 10:02 AM, Mar. 2, 2009
Here is a little Q & A from a "doctor":
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, which means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – glass of Merlot in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WHOO HOO, What a Ride'’
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Happy Fourth of July
Posted at 7:12 AM, Jul. 4, 2008
Let's not forget why we are blessed. We live in a country everyday that allows us to make choices. We can choose to succeed, we can choose to fail. We can choose to believe, and we can choose to disgregard. We only have these choices because of the selfless men and women who sacrifice their lives as well as their day to day luxuries so that we can enjoy these freedoms. For those fighting today, and those who paved the way, let's give thanks.
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY AMERICA.
Is Money The Cause of Most Breakups?
Posted at 4:37 AM, Mar. 14, 2008
Is money truly the major cause of divorce? A recent study challenges this conventional wisdom.
Divorce Mistakes
Posted at 1:27 AM, Mar. 8, 2008
Not that this is necessarily a favorite subject, but I personally know a few who are either in the midst of or are thinking of divorcing. Here is an article featured on MSN about the 15 costly mistakes made.
What You Say
Posted at 4:24 AM, Mar. 5, 2008
Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
Best friends listen to what you don’t say.
Author Unkown
God's Gift
Posted at 3:17 AM, Sep. 2, 2007
What you are is God’s gift to you.
What you make of yourself, is your gift
To God.
A Healthy Level of Insanity
Posted at 4:34 AM, Jul. 3, 2007
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a
Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries
with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks .. Once Everyone has Gotten
Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds
All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party
Because You're Not In The Mood.
16 . Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock
Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling
"Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To
Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......
Its Called ..... therapy
Best Prayer I Ever Heard
Posted at 2:58 AM, May. 8, 2007
Best Prayer I Have Heard InA Long Time...
Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.
Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.
Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.
Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.
Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.
If you send this to 5 people, then you have a chance to touch 5 people.
Working for God on earth doesn't pay much......but His retirement plan is out of this world
Watch Your Thoughts
Posted at 4:17 PM, Mar. 26, 2007
Watch your thoughts for they become your words...
Watch your words for they become your actions....
Watch your actions for they become your habits...
Watch your habits for they become your character...
Watch your character for it becomes your destiny.
joyce meyer
What Was Said
Posted at 5:44 AM, Mar. 22, 2007
This week's thought is:
The distance between the ears and the mouth depend greatly on interpretation and memory.
The Power of Believing
Posted at 7:09 AM, Mar. 15, 2007
You don’t become what you want-
You become what you believe.
The Meaning of Love?
Posted at 3:00 AM, Mar. 6, 2007
This was forwarded to me the other day and I can't help but want to share it. I view it as a reminder to keep things in perspective and that love is something you do, not what you feel.
Touching words from the mouth of babes.
> What does Love mean?
>
> A group of professional people posed this question to a
>group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
>
> The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone
>could have imagined. See what you think:
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend
>over and paint her toenails anymore.
>
> So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even
>when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
>
> Rebecca- age 8
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is
>different.
>
> You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
>
> Billy - age 4
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on
>shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
>
> Karl - age 5
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most
>of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
>
> Chrissy - age 6
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
>
> Terri - age 4
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she
>takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
>
> Danny - age 7
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get
>tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
> My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when
>they kiss"
>
> Emily - age 8
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you
>stop opening presents and listen."
>
> Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "If you want to learn to love better, you should start
>with a friend who you hate,"
>
> Nikka - age 6
> (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he
>wears it everyday."
>
> Noelle - age 7
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man
>who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
>
> Tommy - age 6
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was
>scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving
>and smiling.
>
> He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared
>anymore."
>
> Cindy - age 8
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "My mommy loves me more than anybody .
>
> You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
>
>
> Clare - age 6
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of
>chicken."
>
> Elaine-age 5
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and
>still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
>
> Chris - age 7
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you
>left him alone all day."
>
> Mary Ann - age 4
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me
>all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
>
> Lauren - age 4
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down
>and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
>
> Karen - age 7
>
>
>________________________________
>
>
>
>
> "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she
>doesn't think it's gross."
>
> Mark - age 6
15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About
Posted at 4:55 AM, Feb. 14, 2007
In recognition of Valentine's Day, as we celebrate love, pine love, and perhaps even grieve love, remember this:
1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
Facing Fears
Posted at 10:22 AM, Jan. 28, 2007
"If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been".
-Robert Schuller
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