There is an old adage that says that in tough real estate markets the agents that survive are the best agents. I first heard this in one of my first real estate training classes. And, I absolutely, positively believed it.  It made perfect sense to me. In tough times, the best shine, right?

Except that now that we're well into a very tough real estate market, as I look around, I'm entirely unsure that this widely believed wisdom is at all true. Yes, there are lots of good real estate agents who are doing just fine. (Although I don't know that I've talked to anyone in the last six months who hasn't complained about slower business.) But I've also seen a large number of excellent agents leave to pursue other careers or return to previous careers.

So maybe the question is, what constitutes the best real estate agent?

If you define the best agent, by those who do the most business, then the old adage is perhaps true. If you've done high volumes of business during the boom times, if you were smart, you put away a fair amount of cash for a rainy day (or year!)

But, if by best, you mean those who are best able to serve the needs of their clients, I'm not sure that they are always the survivors. Some of those excellent agents are just too new to have built up the client base or the financial wherewithal to survive this market.

The ability to attract new business is a prerequisite for surviving as a self-employed real estate agent. But it's not a prerequisite for doing a good job taking care of your clients. Those are different skill sets.

Lawrence Yun, the chief economist for NAR has just released a blog post talking about the current surplus of real estate agents. Unfortunately, that number is not adjusting downward nearly as fast as home sales and home prices! But it surely will.

And, I suspect that some of those who survive will be the cream of the crop. And, some will simply survive because of a fat bank account and lots of time in the business.

I've had several instances recently where a potential client had to choose between working with a friend or family member or working with me. In the majority of those cases, they've chosen me, thankfully. But those decisions haven't been without consequences. Feelings have been hurt. And given the number of real estate agents out there, it seems worth a discussion.

The Greater Piedmont Area Association of REALTORS (the local assocation for the counties I primarily work in) has more than 700 members. That's a lot given the number of transactions happening these days. In all likelihood, most people know someone who had a real estate license.

And, as soon as you start thinking about buying or selling and mention it to them, they will, of course, want you to do business with them. I've been that friend or relative and I've definitely asked for the business. However, there have also been times when I felt that the friendship would be best served by that person using another agent.

If you're trying to make a decision and are torn, I'd recommend first of all, talking to the friend or relative and let them know that however much you care about them, you'll be basing your decision on who can best help you achieve your goals in this area. A person can be a wonderful human being and not necessarily the best in their professions. Or, you may feel that you don't want to mix business and pleasure. But treat the individual fairly, give them a chance to interview for the job. That's all anyone can ask.

Having been on the receiving end of not getting the business in this kind of situation, I know how important it is to be gracious. I also know how hard it is, especially right now. There are real estate agents fighting to stay economically viable in a very tough market. Rejection is hard to take under those circumstances. Grace does not come easily in such situations!

In the end, making the best decision for yourself and your family is what's important. Whether that's using a friend or family member or the professional you believe can best get the job done, don't be afraid to do what's right for you!