This is another in a continuing, occasional series on how to choose a real estate agent.

Previous posts have focused on more concrete, measurable things. But I think the softer side of this equation also merits some focus.

Perhaps one of the most important elements in choosing a real estate agent is to get one with whom you feel comfortable. You need to "click". The process of buying or selling a home is stressful, even under the best of conditions. And, heaven knows our current market, even if you're buying, can be tough. You want that interaction to be as comfortable as possible.

I know that "comfortable" is going to strike many of you as too soft and mushy. So, let me see if I can help you with a little better definition.

You want someone you can communicate with directly and honestly. You don't want to worry about hurting their feelings. You don't want to worry that they'll dismiss your fears and worries without listening. This stuff is important and you need to be able to talk openly what you're worrying about, where you have misgivings. If things things stay bottled up you can make a mistake because you didn't ask the right question. And, all those unsaid things can definitely poison a relationship!

There are people out there who take stress in, amplify it, and pass it on to everyone they meet. Then there are others who are good at taking the stress, absorbing it and killing it. They pass along their calm to those they come into contact with. You definitely want the latter as your real estate agent. When the little road bumps occur you don't need someone telling you the sky is falling!

Comfortable also means you have a good fit in terms of communication styles. If you love e-mail and hate the phone make sure your agent feels the same way. (Or at least is willing to modify her style for you!)  And, if you want long, chatty phone conversations and all you ever get are e-mails, there's probably a communications mis-match. It's a good idea to indicate early in a relationship how you like to communicate and making sure that works for everyone.

The soft stuff really does matter. Pay attention to this and the rest of the real estate experience will be much better!