I was thinking about our first relocation the other morning while I was at the gym - doing ab crunches, which I hate. Guess I needed something to get my mind off of what I was doing.

But what I was thinking about was much harder than a hundred ab crunches.

Our first relo was from Detroit, MI to Boston, MA. We had two children (3 and 2), I was in graduate school and working, and my wife was working for General Motors (at that time everyone in MI either worked for one of the big automakers or a related industry. We were interested in going to Boston and she had an opportunity for a new job there. So the decision was made.

Because of grad school, and her job, my wife went off to Boston to start work and lived in a hotel for 3 months. I stayed in Dearborn Height with the kids, and continued grad school and working. We got to visit a couple of times during this period, meeting midway in New York. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done - and it was especially hard for the girls not having their mother around.  And I know it was so hard for my wife to not be home with her girls. Talking on the phone daily helped, but it's just not the same. I was also starting my job hunt in Boston since I was at a point with grad school when I could live elsewhere and finish my research. Fortunately some of my wife's family a couple of hours away so periodic visits helped.

My wife started house hunting and plans were made to put our first house in MI on the market. Busy times, for sure. Our house didn't sell right away but off to Boston I went with the kids. We moved into a rental apartment for a couple of months while we waited for the Michigan house to sell (tough market back then) and to close on our new home in Boston. Because of the rental most of our furniture and personal stuff remained in storage.

This was a really tough emotional, and physically draining, experience for everyone, but it all worked out...finally (took about 5 months). We moved into our new home outside Boston, I started a new job and continued to work on finishing my degree (which meant a monthly trip from Boston to Detroit...by car [15 hours each way] since money was not abundant in those days), the kids started pre-school down the street, my wife settled more into her job and life moved on.

Going through relocation yourself? I know what it's like. Guess those ab crunches weren't so bad after all.

Buyers have often asked if there is a good time to relocate? Tough question, and one with many facets.

First, you may not have a choice if you are transferring with a job, so the question may be moot.

If you DO have a choice, let me throw out some issues to consider:

• Time of year - holidays may be tougher in terms of getting the services you need and working with poroviders. Plus it disrupts your family traditions.
• Children - this can be complex. First, moving in the middle of the year or in the semester can be very disruptive academically and emotionally. If you can, go after school is done for the year. Other considerations - check to see about enrollments in the new school district - you may need to be a resident in your new home for a period of time in order to get your kids into the school you want.
• Movers - check  with your moving company (or the ones you are considering). They may be booked up at certaing time of the year, and it is common that the end of the month is busiest. You may actually save money moving at certain times of the year or month, so ask these questions.
• Selling your home - this  may be easier in the spring, when most markets heat up. And it is often tougher during the winter, especially around the holidays. Fewer people are looking, although who are tend to be really serious buyers.

Bottom line? You relocate when you have to, but if there are some options, consider your timing. Good luck, and don't hesitate to drop me a line if there are questions about YOUR relocation.

I want to take a moment and talk a bit about the emotional and psychological impact of relocation (having been through it so many times, and with my psychology background). While a significant move will have an impact no matter who you are, it does affect people differently, both emotionally and physically. It is a major change in your life and a major adjustment, for you, your spouse or partner, and for any children. You may not always be aware of how it is affecting you, but the important thing is to realize that these feelings are very normal.

You will likely experience a variety of feelings after the decision has been made (or perhaps made for you) -   sorrow (leaving friends, perhaps family, and familiar surroundings) and maybe depression, fear,  anxiety, and excitement, to name a few. Any move causes a range of emotions and lots of tension and stress - a relocation is likely to cause more. It is typical that people feel overwhelmed with all they must deal with - selling their home, finding a new one far away, traveling for house hunting, dealing with financial matters, people to see and say good-by to, packing, talking with movers, keeping the house in order to show to buyers, real estate and relocation paperwork to review and sign, on top of the normal everyday stuff like kids, chores at home and full time jobs. Yep, you are going to feel tired, and may have problems sleeping, with all you are thinking about. Other common physical issues can be loss of appetite, or the opposite, increased smoking and/or drinking, headaches, stomach aches, a feeling of burning in the chest, and more. You might feel edgy, or that you are having a harder time controlling your temper even when minor things occur.

The excitement about a move can be help deal with many of these feelings, but that in itself can cause tension. But keeping a positive attitude about what is happening and the future will help keep it all in perspective. Feelings of being overwhelmed may be subdued a bit by keeping lists of the things that need to be done, along with due dates - such organization will keep you focused on what needs to be done.

If you have kids, you will likely find they are feeling the impact too - their will have their own concerns and fears about leaving, perhaps less so at the very young ages, but will likely all feel the emotions you are experiencing. You may also see some changes in behavior , as well as in their sleeping and eating patterns. Talking about what is happening, the excitement about moving to a new home and anything your child wants to discuss can help, as can enlisting their assistance in getting prepared for the move and letting them know in advance when things will be happening.

If, in the relocation, the family is going to be split up for some time (one of you, for example, goes on to the new location for work and the other remains at home with the kids) you can expect this will have an even greater impact (having been through it twice myself). If you can arrange it, make sure there are opportunities to visit each other as a family during the separation, several times if the separation is more than a few weeks - you may be able to negotiate this arrangement as part of a relocation package.

Trying to maintain as much normality as possible in schedules and daily life, despite all the changes, keeping a positive attitude, and being organized around all that has to be done will go a long way toward minimizing the tensions of your relocation. But recognizing that this is all normal and will pass with time is important too! Good luck and have fun!

Is it better to rent first or buy in your new location?!

That's a tough one, and it depends on your personal situation, how you want to live, if you have a house full of pets, your financial concerns, children and schools, etc. I've done it both ways. We rented when we moved from Minneapolis back to Boston; we bought before we moved from Boston to California.

The advantage to renting first is that you can take the time to really get to know the area and decide where you want to look , plus you have time to look more carefully before you buy. Say, for example, renting for 6 months. On a house hunting trip you are limited in time and may have to buy quickly even if you are not ready. I think renting can work if you really don't have time to find and buy a home while you are relocating. It's best, I believe, if it's a conscious decision and not one that is forced on you.

In my opinion, there are some disadvantages - (1) you have to move twice in a short period of time,  (2) you may not have all your furniture and "stuff," (3) finding a rental that takes pets can be a challenge, (4) finding a short term rental can likewise be tough (although perhaps less in this slower market), (5) finding the right rental in the same town where you want to buy so your kids don't have to change schools twice in 1 year may be hard to do, (6) financially it may cost you more since you have to pay the rent plus 1-2 months security and maybe the last month's rent in advance, (7) psychologically and emotionally it can be hard to move to a rental in a new place (and the condition may not be what you are accustomed to).

I can't give you the answer, but am simply suggesting this may be something to ponder, and think about the pros and cons.