Negotiating Tip 47: The Emotional Negotiator

Don’t let emotions prevent a “good deal” result!

Don't get Emotionally Involved in a Negotiation.

Have you ever heard someone give ridiculous advice?  Like, "Now when you get on stage in front of all those people, just relax."  Yeah, right!  Like that's possible.  Well, I'm about to give you advice that's almost as silly. 

A mentor of mine from years ago shared (and lived) an interesting philosophy.
 

• He'd say, "Don't worry.  Just have a constructive concern."

 

• He also said, "In a tense situation, forget about trying to relax, just control the tension." 

Wow, 'constructive concern' and 'control the tension' certainly puts a realistic and positive light on a challenging situation.

Could they Apply to Negotiating?  Absolutely!

One mistake many negotiators tend to make (me too!) is that they become too emotionally involved in the bargaining and too attached to winning. 

When that happens they fail to give their best performance. 

When things go wrong, which they do -- at least momentarily - in all negotiations, they get flustered, want to shout, threaten and fret in order to get their way. This is all counter-productive.

Most deals are only possible if both people feel they're getting something out of it. If your negotiating opponent feels attacked, or doesn't like you, they probably won't back down. 
 

• Don't ever underestimate the power of building a positive, respectful relationship with your negotiating opponent. 

We all hate bullies and would likely walk away from a negotiation that involves one.
 

• Keep calm, patient and friendly, even if the other person starts losing their cool.

 

• Make sure you leave any pride or ego at the door.

You're much more likely to do well that way.  Negotiations never go as smoothly as we'd hope, but if we can control the tension and exhibit constructive concern, the possibilities are tremendous.

What's that famous quote?

  "Success comes to the person who can keep their head while all those about them are losing theirs." 

That certainly applies to us as we KEEP Negotiating.