Mother Superior The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.

The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.
They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.

Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.
Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

"Mother," the nuns asked with humility, "please give us some wisdom before you die."
She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't sell that cow."


Did you hear the one about the teacher...

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still
Didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on,
She had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher,
They're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough,
They were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than
It was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as
Together they worked to get the boots back on, this time
On the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,
"Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to.

Once again, she
Struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said,
"They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she
Mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle
The boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your Mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

She will be eligible for parole in three years.

What is Butt Dust?

What, you ask, is "Butt Dust"? Read on and you'll discover the joy in a child's sincere originality. No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN(age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON(age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES(age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"