I’ve been trying wrap my brain around the reason and order of events why a seasoned political veteran would chose someone with no national recognition, no national experience and no real redeeming features to be a running mate. After mulling it over these past several weeks, I have come up with a fictional scenario that may answer that question. To cut down on typing, JM will always be John McCain and PO will always be a political advisor.

 

One week before the convention:

PO1 – Hey boss, their talking about a possible hurricane hitting the Gulf Coast the week of the convention. We’ll get pushed back to page two. We need something to get back above the fold.

JM – Well, the Dem’s made a big splash with Hillary reconciling with Obama which seemed to push them up in the polls. Maybe a female VP running mate would boost our stock. We need something to stifle the pro choice and anti-gun crowd.

 

Two day later:

PO1 – Boss, I’ve got a great list of Republican women, let’s pick one.

How about Nancy Reagan?

JM – Too old. Heck she’s older then me, and I’m old.

PO2 – Maybe Kay Bailey Hutchinson or Christine Todd Whitman. They both have a long record of public service.

JM – I don’t think so. They’re both over sixty, can’t we find someone younger, you know appeal to that X Gen group, or whatever they’re called.

PO3 – How about that Huffington woman?

JM – Too controversial

PO2 – How about Ann Coulter, she’s on TV all the time?

JM – Nah, too many people hate her more than they hate natural disasters.

PO4 – I’ve got it, Sarah Palin

JM – Who?

PO4 – First term Governor of Alaska. She’s kind of unknown, but so was Spiro Agnew.

JM – Okay, let’s give it a shot.

 

Convention week:

JM – What’s this whole deal with Palin and her family. We’re getting too much negative press!!!

PO1 – No problem, we’ve got it covered. We parade her around with her kids and husband, give her some talking points about hockey moms and tell her not to say anything that isn’t on the teleprompter. She’ll be fine. She can read just fine.

 

One week later:

JM – What’s her deal on the Bridge to Nowhere. The press is reporting she supported it, she told us she was against it.

PO1 – Well she originally supported it, but changed her mind later.

JM – But they say she kept the money.

PO2 – She did, but she spent it on other things. Do you know that some of the money is going to be used to build a tropical garden in downtown Fairbanks that will be the envy of everyone in the Bahamas.

JM – Okay, but keep an eye on this. That Stevens guy’s going on trial in a few weeks and this bridge was his program.

 

A few days later:

JM – What’s this story about Sarah and the witch doctor.

PO3 _ No no John. Sarah attended a church service a few years ago where the visiting pastor implored Jesus to protect Sarah from the “spirit of Witchcraft” It’ll be great, kind of like Salem in the 1600’s. Besides, Nancy Reagan consulted an astrologer. No one cared.

 

A couple of days later:

JM – What’s going on now. They’ve got video of Sarah shooting elk from a helicopter. Did she really do that?

PO1 – No problem John. We just equate Sarah with Teddy Roosevelt, a great Republican and avid hunter and outdoors person. By the time we’re done, people will want to make Sarah the 5^th face on Mount Rushmore.

 

Later that same day:

JM – What’s all the flap about firing the state police head. Did she really do that because the guy wouldn’t fire her former brother in law? Heck, that just happened in July. Why didn’t anyone tell me about that?

PO2 – NO sir, she didn’t fire him he resigned. She tried to transfer him to caribou patrol, but he decided he didn’t want that, so he quit. Just like Reagan fired the air traffic controllers. We can call her the new Ronald Reagan.

JM – Okay then we’re good to go.

 

The morning after the VP debates:

JM – What’s going on with Sarah. I heard her use terms like “doggone it” and “you betcha” in her appearances and speeches. Imagine the stink if I send her on a diplomatic mission and she talks like that to a head of state.

PO4 – John, we’ve got it covered. We have signed up Tina Fey and she will appear in all foreign countries as Sarah. And we’ll hide Sarah on the set of 30 Rock while that’s the trip is in progress.

 

The 2^nd week of October:

PO5 – John, we’ve got a problem. Sarah is dominating message boards, online forum and blogs. She’s a very divisive and is really hurting our numbers.

JM – Okay, let’s send her where she can’t harm us anymore.

PO5 – How about Alaska?

JM – Good, set her up for a day in Nome and a day at the North Slope. Then have her go to the Aleutians, you know, the island closest to Russia. That will demonstrate her grasp of foreign policy. Give her some Eskimo talking points, you know, something about cutting taxes on blubber and sled dogs.

 

This week:

JM – What’s all these reports that Sarah is in favor of Alaska Seceding from the US.

PO6 – Not to worry. The Alaska Independence Party is just a 3^rd party group, like the Libertarians or the Green Party. Sarah’s husband, nutty Todd, used to be a member but has been a registered Republican since 2006.

JM – But didn’t she speak at their convention.

PO6 – Yeah, the year she ran for Governor, 2006. But she was never a member.

JM – But it still doesn’t look good.

PO6 – We’ve got it covered. We’ll dredge up something that says Obama supported the Weather Underground, maybe even the Black Panthers. That’ll keep the press busy for week.

 

Yesterday:

JM – Didn’t anyone tell her what the VP job entails. She’s quoted as saying she runs the Senate. The VP doesn’t do that.

PO6 – Oh it was just a third grade class, she was trying to keep it simple

JM – Simple, the press made her sound like an idiot

PO6 – We’ve actually scheduled her as a contestant on Are You Smarter Than a 5^th Grader for next week.

JM – Why not this week?

PO6 – We’ve got to complete 4 days of intense preparation. Math, Science, Geography, History. That’s tough stuff in 5^th grade.

JM – Well make sure she wins. Otherwise I’ll replace her with a 5^th grader.